Tuesday, August 31, 2010

Lesbians, Laundry, and Lessons Learned

Dear Southie,
   I just got my first place, but don't have access to a washer or dryer. So far I've been going home to do my laundry, but my mother insists on doing it for me. As a young woman who enjoys wearing men's boxers and pajamas, I'm worried that when my mother does my laundry, she'll stumble upon my dirty secret.  What should I do?  -- Dirty Laundry from Dallas

Dear Dirty Laundry,
  First, your mother still does your laundry?  You've got your own place, and she's still doing your laundry?  Is she forcibly restraining you while you're home? If so, why not go to one those new fangled places, you know, with the washers dryers; I think they are called laundromats.  Maybe you've heard of them.  They come free from any judgement or parental intervention.  If you live in a heretofore unheard of region of the country that does not come pre-equipped with said laundromats, I am sure there is a nearby stream, with rocks for which to beat your clothes against while Michael Landon whittles something rustic on the porch.  Or, a quarter/nature-free alternative is to invent a boyfriend.  This will help to prevent your mother from stumbling upon the secret that you are a lesbian.  If you don't like any of these solutions, you could always join a nudist colony.  This would solve all of your problems.  No clothes = no embarrassing laundry.

Good luck.

Southie and Murray